From a Father’s perspective
By Darnell

I was recently watching TV with my son and a report came on about Chris Brown. In it, Chris Brown was on the streets of Hollywood walking (post Rihanna beat down) and there were a few families walking near him that recognized him. Now these families with teenagers and kids ran up to him shaking his hands, cheesing in his face, posing for pictures, having the kids all up on him like he is the greatest guy in the world.

My son asked me, “Isn’t that the guy who beat up Rihanna?” I said it was. My son said,  “Then why are they treating him like he’s a great person to meet?”

Chris Brown (aka C-Breezy) in happier times.  Photo- bebo.com

I thought to myself and I informed my son that for celebrities and other people we want to make excuses for. we soften the blows. That’s why the world excuses a professional woman beater like Chris Brown. This is his first full-blown offense in the public eye (he’s had a couple of past incidents) that cost him endorsements and money.

When you can drive a Lamborghini and headlock your woman, punch her multiple times in the face, bust her head on the glass and not crash the vehicle you are driving... mmm...let me take a wild guess…perhaps you have done this before, you are a professional.

I also pointed out from the police report that Rihanna, being able to get the keys out of the ignition, tried to take control of the situation but instead decided to sit on the keys of the man who is kicking her butt.  Let me think...you’ve done this before and you’ve been in this situation with him before.

These people need help but being on the front lines with our children and community we need to keep the heat on these areas of life and not ease up of because they are famous. It sends mixed messages.

As a single father raising a son in this society I feel it is imperative that I tell it like it is to my son and not let him get caught up in rhetoric that personifies the world we live in. When I say softening the blows, I am speaking of emotional, mental, psychological, spiritual and verbal truths that need to be revealed. We pull back for the sake of celebrity, for political, business, family and last and many times first, our own egos.  We want to justify our beliefs in celebrities and others, including family members and friends we know are wrong.

I am teaching my son how to live in the real world and operate in the fake world that glosses over many things. There is no protection when a person is getting their butt beat. So don’t gloss over the severity of the issue by using words that gloss it over. Be real with your children and prepare them so that are not caught off-guard.

There are skirmishes in many relationships. We have all been through it at one level or another. Arguments that lead to clothes being thrown out, dishes broken, cars keyed, tires slashed, windows broken, holes in the drywall, a push here to get someone off you, a smack because they came home too late…you know what I’m talking about. You have told your children I’m going to whoop you or beat your butt. You know you have. They already know what it means. They’ll be all right if you tell them what really happened in a situation like this. Just don’t send mixed signals to them.

Don’t soften the blows for these people — uncles, moms, aunties, dads, grandmas, cousins, friends, celebrities. They’ve got to know that what they did is unacceptable. That’s when the process of stopping abuse starts. If they continue on that road, there are consequences.
Don’t soften the blows. Let’s show our kids and our community that this is unacceptable. My grandfather says, “You are going to face it one way or the other,” so the way I choose is that I would rather my son hear it from me than in the streets.